Hola Mis Amigos – The series finale of How I Met Your Mother brought in mixed reviews, ranging from exasperated anger to heartwarming joy, but the lessons learned from the program over the years are invaluable and undeniable. The show has managed to coin at least two dozen theories and phenomenon’s about life and love that everyone has or will experience at least once in their lifetime. The following is a short list of the most common and relatable experiences that Ted and the gang have come across.
The Hot/Crazy Scale: Let me paint a scenario for you: The person that you’re dating invites you over to their house – You’re having a fantastic time, but then they reveal a closet full of taxidermied pet cats, or a years’ worth supply of their own hair and toe nail clippings, or another unsettling defect that’s certifiably bat shit crazy. They’re a bit “one flew over the coo-coo’s nest,” so you ask yourself ‘is this relationship worth sticking around for?’ Personal disclaimer: Their lack of sanity should never infringe upon your safety. Personal well-being aside, should you continue your romantic liaison? Well, if you’re a complete shallow jackass, let the hot-crazy scale determine that for you. The scale dictates that a person is only allowed to be tolerably crazy, if they are equally as hot (see graph). Word of advice, don’t ever drop below the Vicky Mendoza diagonal as this is known as the danger zone or in other words, crazy and not hot.
The Cheerleader Effect also known as Sorority Sister Syndrome, the Bridesmaids Paradox and for a brief time in the mid 1990s The Spice Girls Conspiracy: This concept states that as a collective, a group of women have the power of appearing to be attractive, but in actuality when they are looked over individually they are each as hideous as a blob fish or a proboscis monkey. Contrary to the various gender-appropriated titles, this theory is also applicable to groups of men. If you would like to read a more comprehensive and scientific explanation behind the Cheerleader Effect, you may do so here: http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2013/10/25/0956797613497969.abstract
The Olive Theory commonly known as Opposites Attract: This theory signifies the element that constructs the perfect couple – a balanced harmony. It is best applied when it concerns trivial matters such as food preferences, tastes in music, or fashion choices. In some cases even pretending to enjoy or dislike the opposite of your partner will suffice.
The Date Time Continuum: This principle of dating advises one to not make plans with their current significant other that are further in the future than the current length of time that they have been dating each other. For example, couples that are in a relationship that is currently three months long, should avoid setting future dates with each other that are more than three months into the future.
SEE ALSO: 25 Life Lessons Learned From Harry Potter
Graduation Goggles: The feeling of nostalgia that one may experience when about to part with something or someone that they hate or dislike is known as the graduation goggles phenomenon. This notion is similar to looking through rose coloured glasses, except that it is specifically applied when one is about to end a terrible relationship or aspect of their life, but has a momentary hesitation due to an imagined fondness for that particular person, place or thing.
The Platinum Rule: This is vernacularly known as the don’t shit where you eat rule. The philosophy encourages one to never date someone that they see on a regular basis prior to dating. According to the Bro Code “Article 83: A bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever ever “love” thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker.” The Female Morality Scale (I just made that up) should also employ the Platinum Rule as a standard dating tenet. This theory may also be applied in regards to becoming bff your actual next door neighbor – don’t do it.
The Dobler/Dahmer Theory: Grand romantic gestures are the epitome of true undying love, right? The trouble with these sweeping displays of affection is that they will either be received in one of two fashions, you will either look like a stalker serial killer or like John Cusack a la Say Anything. If both people are into each other, your act of devotion will be viewed as adoringly as Lloyd Dobler’s boombox stunt but if it’s a one sided affair you’re likely to be on the Jeffrey Dahmer side of the scale. Lastly, in regards to the latter, the grander the gesture the crazier you’ll seem.
Early Relationship Chicken: A self-explanatory title, this phenomenon occurs in the beginning of a relationship. People tend to be more hesitant to say no during the honeymoon phase in order to appear more exciting and interesting than they actually were pre-relationship. Skydiving? Yes! Deep sea diving? Why not! Design artisanal food? I guess so? The gist of it is that you’re willing to go out of your comfort zone, and do things you normally wouldn’t do in order to appear more open and adventurous for the combined purpose of a) impressing your new significant other and b) to keep the relationship moving forward.
