The wrong attitude towards befriending a member of the opposite sex. Image: www.pophangover.com
The truth about the “Friend Zone” is that it doesn’t exist. You’ve read that correctly! The “Friend Zone” is about as real as a unicorn farm run by leprechauns.
When one ends up in the dreaded “Friend Zone”, it’s usually the end result of severe miscommunication, especially on the part of the one being “Friend Zoned.” There are two common scenarios that lead to this miscommunication between the two parties. Here is the first scenario.
- You meet a person and become attracted to them.
- You spend time with that person and befriend them.
- While you’re spending time with them, you are hoping that they will fall in love with you.
- They don’t fall in love with you because they actually see you as a friend and not as a potential romantic interest.
- When it’s eventually revealed that you only befriended them just so you could get inside their pants, they get offended and cut off all communication with you.
- You vent on the internet that your object of sexual desire/ex-friend is a horrible person for not acknowledging you as a romantic interest, despite all of the nice things you’ve done for them.
- Other people (mostly “bro” type of guys) understand your feelings of rejection and join in your tirade of misogyny/vitriol against the person who “hurt” you.
The second scenario is a method commonly used by sociopaths who are not above using manipulation, deceit, emotional blackmail, and mind games in pursuit of love. FYI, these sociopaths call themselves “the nice guys.” Here’s the second scenario.
- You befriend a person and become attracted to them.
- Over time you make grand overtures of friendship towards them (i.e., treating them to drinks and dinners.)
- You continue to make these grand overtures in the hopes that the actions will lead you to their bedroom.
- That person dates someone they’re attracted to.
- They break up and that person opens up to you about their feelings of hurt and despair.
- You listen to them pour their hearts and tears out and lend them your shoulder to cry on.
- After some time, they date another person that captured their hearts and attention.
- You express your frustration, stating something along the lines of, “What the f— I listened to you cry about how your last boy/girlfriend was a jerk, I bought you drinks, I safely drove you when you were passed out drunk at that party where anyone could have taken advantage of you. If I knew that you were just going to lead me on then I would never have wasted my time and money on you!”
- Taken aback and insulted beyond all measures, they respond, “I thought we were friends—and you don’t deserve a medal for not raping me so you can go to hell!”
- The person cuts all communication with you—and possibly files a restraining order against you the following day—because you revealed yourself as the passive-aggressive, emotional blackmailing, guilt-tripping freak that you are.
- You take your bruised ego to the internet, where you tell anyone who’ll listen that you’ve been “Friend Zoned” by someone you’ve been friends with for [X] amount of years, months, etc.
- Your fellow sociopaths/”nice guys” understand your rant and join in your tirade of misogyny/vitriol against the person who rejected you.
Miscommunication always leads to the “Friend Zone.” Image: www.micheleknight.co.uk
The one commonality between these two scenarios is the thread of miscommunication. The person who ends up in the “Friend Zone” is there because they weren’t honest about their intentions in the first place. Instead of being honest and letting the person know of their romantic inklings towards their love interests, they hide behind the guise of “friendship” in order to avoid rejection. The people in the “Friend Zone” are too immature, cowardly, and pathetic to tell the person of their fiery passion for them. Another thing to note is that the person in the “Friend Zone” solely sees the other person as an object, a prize to be won after completing the challenge of being friends and sticking around long enough so they can make their move when they’re ready. They can’t imagine being friends with another human being of the opposite sex because it’s just not rewarding for them.
What those in the “Friend Zone” constantly mistake is the intelligence of their lust objects. We know when people are interested in us. It’s called chemistry. Chemistry cannot be rushed, forced, or manufactured. If it’s not felt within moments of the first meeting then chances are high that a romance is just not possible. There’s also the issue of timing. If the other person isn’t ready to be in a romantic relationship then respect that. Don’t push them into a one-sided relationship that will eventually end in more heartbreak for both parties involved.
Here is the bottom line: if you’re going to be a friend, be a friend. Despite what many people say and certain movies perpetuate, males and females can be friends without having that friendship lead to anything romantic. Often these friendships are so valuable and enriching that moving into lover territory is simply not necessary. If you’re not upfront about your feelings and your crush mistakes your insincere gestures of “friendship” for actual friendship then you only have yourself to blame.
No one is obligated to like you. No one is obligated to date you when you treat them like a human being. No one is obligated to date you because you took advantage of a situation where they were vulnerable. If they’re polite and friendly to you then that doesn’t mean that they want to date you. Rejection sucks and forming meaningful connections are hard. All you can do is suck it up, put your heart and feelings out there, and not give up until that right person comes along. It will make you a better person in the end.
